The Cabbage Patch Kid
by RedDwarfette
Summary: AU: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6.
1. You Me Trick

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Author: RedDwarfette

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Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 1 – You… Me… Trick…

15th/3/2002

*******************************************************************************************************************

Spike looked up from his position in front of the television as Buffy stormed into his lair.

"Well thanks a lot, you bloody bastard!" she shouted, "I didn't think my life could get any worse after being dead and sleeping with the enemy, but you managed to out do yourself this time."

"What?" said a puzzled Spike. He dodged a blow from Buffy and leapt back. "Pet, what are you talking about?"

"You… you… me… trick…" Buffy gasped articulately.

"Thank god you've got looks, luv, 'cause your conversation skills are a little lacking," Spike said with a smirk.

"What the hell did you do to this?" Buffy said holding up a small cardboard box.

Spike took the container from her and read the back.

Buffy continued, "You knew I had that didn't you? You switched the test as a joke. Well, I'm not laughing at all Spike!"

"Wait, a sec," said a furious Spike, "What the hell do you have a pregnancy test kit for? You know I'm shooting blanks."

"I… well… it… it wasn't mine," she finished looking at the ground.

"Then whose is it?" he said in a deadly voice, "And why were you using it?"

"Anya's, it belongs to Anya. She was worried that she might be pregnant and she was too scared to take the test by herself, so I took it with her," Buffy said quietly before flaring up again, "Why am I explaining myself to you? Did you get a big laugh out of scaring the slayer half to death?"

"What are you saying, Buffy?" Spike asked.

"You switched my test and now it says that I'm pregnant. God Spike, I thought I was having a heart attack for a moment there," she said then suddenly laughed, "I suppose it is kind of funny, you know, me and you having a baby." Buffy, still giggling stepped in front of him and raised her face to his for a kiss.

Spike wasn't smiling. He pushed her back, "I didn't do a damn thing to that test, Buffy."

"What?" she said starting to feel faint.

"I said, I didn't do anything to that test. You are pregnant and right now I'm torn between leaving town or tearing your bit on the side apart with my bare hands," he said visibly shaking in rage and an evil look in his eye.

"There isn't anyone else," Buffy said to Spike's disbelieving face, "I swear. Wait, this can't be happening." She fell to the floor feeling dizzy.

"Get up, Buffy," Spike said, disgust in his voice, "The least you can do now is tell me the truth, I think you owe me that much."

"Spike, I'm serious," Buffy whispered, "I've only been with you."

"Then how do you explain this," he said waving the box at her, "Immaculate conception?"

She stayed silent while he continued, "Yeah, like that story will fly with all the bonking we've been doing."

"You really are a cold hearted bastard, aren't you?" Buffy said rising from her place on the floor. "Somehow, god knows how, you've knocked me up. You do know that what we've been doing leads to babies, don't you Spike?"

She now stood in front of him, "They don't just grow in the cabbage patch."

"Cabbage patch?" Spike said in a hoarse voice. 

Buffy didn't think it was possible but Spikes complexion paled even more before her eyes. He walked on unsteady feet over to his couch and sat down shaking his head.

"No, I couldn't have… must have been that time… I knew they had powers but…" Spike trailed off and looked at Buffy.

"Well?" she said, "Do you believe me now?"

"Yes," he said, for the first time in his unlife looking remarkably like a corpse. "I believe you, Buffy."

"Right," Buffy said walking over and sitting next to Spike on the couch, "What we need to do know is find out what caused this. Maybe it's because I came back different." She glanced at his uncomprehending face, "You know. You can hit me, maybe you can impregnate me too. Wait, that doesn't explain how a vampire can reproduce."

Spike sat there with a pole-axed look while Buffy spoke. "I know, I know. What if it's a spell?" she said to him. "I'd better go ask Tara, she'd be able to tell if there's a magical aura around us." Buffy stood up and started to walk out before Spike caught her arm.

"Buffy, I know what caused this," Spike said, "And it wasn't no spell or anything being wrong with you."

"Spike, what is it?" said Buffy watching his face.

"It was me. I put a bun in the slayer's oven. I did it all on my own," Spike said with a triumphant grin, after a minute amending, "Kinda."

"What?" she shrieked. "Need I remind you that technically you're dead? There's no way that this could have happened without some help."

"It's true," Spike said, "And I only had a little help," he finished.

"Spike…" Buffy said with a warning tone in her voice that if didn't start explaining soon he was going to get his arse whooped. 

"Ok, ok. I may have inadvertently knocked you up with the help of a Cabbage Patch Gnome," Spike said with a grin and watched the mother of his child.

"You did what?" Buffy screamed.


	2. The Explanation

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Author: RedDwarfette

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Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 2 – The Explanation

15th/3/2002

*********************************************************************************************************************** 

Spike winced at the volume of Buffys scream. He tugged on her small hand still clasped within his own and spoke.

"Buffy, sit down. It's not good for a woman in your condition to be stressed."

Buffy gave him a look that could have fried bacon. "I wouldn't be in this 'condition' if it weren't for you!" She sank down onto the couch. "As far as I can tell I'm nearly two months along and during that time, I have been slaying vampires and other such nasties left, right, and center," she glared at him, "Not laying down for nine months, waiting to deliver William the Bloody junior into the world!"

Spike wisely remained silent during her rant. He kept a wary eye on her fists knowing, from experience, she was liable to punch first and ask questions later. 

"Well?" She said when he didn't speak, "Are you going to explain, or do I have kick your ass?"

"It's Ok, Buffy," Spike finally said, "It's not as bad as it sounds when you hear it."

"Spike, nothing could be as bad as this sounds," said Buffy, suddenly she felt queasy.

"What is it?" Spike asked the ill looking slayer.

"I just had a moment when I knew," she continued after a slight pause, "I knew, that once again, you are going to prove me wrong."

Spike smiled at her and pulled her into his embrace. "Don't worry, luv, I'll explain."

"This better be good, Spike," Buffy said against his chest.

"Me, good? Perish the thought. Anyway, it all started after one of our big fights when I went for a drink at the local otherworlde waterhole…"

*******************************

2 months ago.

******************************

Spike stared into his whisky wondering what the hell he was going to do. After months of hot lovin' she'd once again told him to pack up and get out of her life. This had been occurring without fail on a weekly basis since they'd started giving it rizz. He sighed and wished he was anywhere but in this joint. The Otherworlde bar, the meeting place of creatures from all dimensions and walks of life, currently catering to five Leprechauns, six Werewolves, two Pillywiggen Faeries, a Cyclops, Spike and a Gnome.

Spike shifted on his stool and tried to remember what he'd been talking to the Gnome on his left about. "Women," he said when he remembered, "They just love jerking us around by our… hearts."

The Gnome nodded at this statement. They had been sitting at the bar for the last hour discussing the young bloke's love life after he'd sat on the stool next to him and the nice chap had brought him a drink.

"I mean, this is how it is with my girl," Spike said on a roll, "I can look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't love. Love, but she doesn't want to know about it." He took another sip of his drink then spoke again, "Sometimes I think I should just leave, there's nothing keeping me here if she can't admit her feelings."

"Back in my day," said the Gnome with a thoughtful look on his face, "You just got a girl pregnant. Then you'd have something, someone, I mean, holding you together. Most of the best relationships I've ever seen have started like that." 

"Ha!" Spike laughed, "That would never work with Buffy. Even if it could, I don't have the right 'equipment' so to speak."

"Perhaps not," said the Gnome with a gleam in his eye that, Spike with his head turned from the bar, missed.

They watched a group of Goblins enter the bar and head for a table in the corner. Spike knew he couldn't stand it any longer and stood up.

"Sorry mate, I have to go and beg for a crumb of affection from my non girlfriend," he said to the amused Gnome, "Thanks for listening to me, maybe I'll see you around."

Spike walked out of the bar while the Cabbage Patch Gnome watched. "Maybe you will, sonny, maybe you will."

******************************

Present time.

******************************

"…Then you came over to my place and we discovered that new position you like so…" Spike stopped when he saw Buffys hand clench with the restrained need to hit him.

"So what, Spike? You brought a Gnome a drink. I still don't see how that leaves you and me holding the baby, literally," she told him.

"Buffy, it's quite simply really," said Spike, "Every magical, mythical, otherworldly creature is composed of an element, like a Salamander out of Fire, an Angel out of Ether or," he paused, "A Gnome out of Earth."

"Yeah, so?" Buffy said not comprehending.

"That element is the source of their power and hence they have power over that element," seeing her look of confusion he continued, "If a Gnome has power over Earth and human bodies are composed of Earth that means he can manipulate us and because he's a Cabbage Patch Gnome they specialise in…"

"What?" she asked with a shake of her blonde head, "They specialise in what?"

"Fertilisation." Spike winced waiting for the blow to end his life.

"Are you telling me, that F-ing Gnome manipulated us so you could plough me like a field, spread your seed and wait for the harvest?" she yelled.

"You know, all this farm talk is kinda turning me on," Spike said licking his lips, "And since we're already up the duff, so to speak, perhaps we could…"

Buffy whipped up a hand and slapped Spike hard across the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"You're a Vampire, how the hell does that work?" Buffy raged.

"Easily, sweet cheeks," Spike said looking up at her from the floor, "I was human once, and technically my body still is of the Earth element, albeit with some modifications."

Buffy put her hands across her flaming face and tried to calm down. "But how did he do that, Spike? Put a spell on us? Changed your molecular structure?" she said feeling dazed.

"Ah, now pet, perhaps you don't really want to know that one," Spike said still watching her.

"Tell me," Buffy said sitting on his chest and pushing her face close to his, "Tell me," she repeated.

"Well, when we were, you know," Spike looked over her shoulder to a place on the wall, "He sprinkled Gnome dust over us when we hit our peak. I've heard it picks up the chances of conception four hundred percent."

"He what?" Buffy shook Spikes shoulders, "That Gnome was watching us?"

"Probably getting the show of his life, too," said Spike with a grin. He pulled Buffys face down and gave her a good snog till she jerked back.

"Oh no, you're not getting out of this," she said with a determined look on her face. "We're going to find that Gnome, right now."


	3. The Problem

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Author: RedDwarfette

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Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 3 – The Problem

17th/3/2002

*********************************************************************************************************************** 

Spike trailed behind a furious Buffy thinking about his lair. Mmm, have to change the décor for when the baby comes, he thought, maybe little bunnies on the walls? Nah, Anya would freak out every time she visited. Perhaps black bats on blood red walls would be a good theme. He was jerked out of his musings when Buffy stopped and he walked into her.

"Ouch," Buffy said and turned to face him, "I want you to take me to that bar, I have some questions I need to ask that Gnome before I beat him to a pulp."

"Well, when you ask like that, mummy," Spike said with a wink, "How can I refuse?"

Sensing he was treading on thin ice, Spike grabbed her hand, leading her into the forest and down a path invisible to mortal eyes. Spike stood her in front of a large Oak tree, he walked into the tree disappearing before her eyes, then with a tug her arm, he pulled her inside. Buffys eyes widened at the menagerie of patrons that occupied The Otherworlde Bar.

"Hey Spike, haven't seen you here in a while," said a hairy barman looking like big foot's lost cousin, "Want the usual?"

"Nah, Jake, got to keep my wits about me right now," Spike said with an apologetic look, "Have you seen Hughbert tonight?"

Before Jake could answer, Buffy pointed into the corner and said, "That's him."

Spike nodded to Jake before walking over with her to the table occupied by the Gnome, "How did you know it was him?"

"Easy," she ground out, "As soon as I saw him, I wanted to smack him up."

By now the Gnome had noticed them and waved a welcome. They reached the table in record time, Buffy wanting to break a few Gnome bones while Spike wanted to avoid having them being throw out of his favourite bar for fighting.

"Hughbert, nice to see you again. Ah, slight problem. It's a funny thing really," Spike said with a restraining hand on Buffys arm, "I seem to have impregnated the Slayer. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Did you? Great job, sonny. I knew you had it in you! Well, now the hard parts done, you'll forgive my pun of course, I'll tell you that I did help a teensy little bit," the Gnome said with a broad grin. "Take a seat, wouldn't want your little lady to be standing on her feet in her condition."

Spike shoved Buffy on the seat before she exploded, "Do you have any idea what you have done to me?"

"Helped you discover the wonders of motherhood?" Hughbert said watching Spike desperately signal at him to shut the hell up.

"Wrong. I may lose my job, as the slayer! Not to mention I am an unwed, career girl with a vampire for a boyfriend and a young impressionable sister to look after," Buffy said, ready to leap across the table and strangle the Gnome. "And the only thing that is going to save your ass right now, and convince me not to plant you in my garden, is if you start answering a few questions I have."

The Gnome sat stunned. This was the first time he had been confronted with such hostility from a couple he had helped. He swallowed nervously then nodded, watching Spike shrug his shoulders, letting him know who wore the pants in this relationship.

"After you so graciously decided to complicate our lives with your 'help', did you really watch us… us…" Buffy trailed off blushing. 

Spike sensing articulate Buffy had taken a vacation jumped in, "What I want to know, is how you knew when throw your Gnome dust on us?" he said, "From what I hear you the timing has to be exact, how can you be precise?"

"Well, let's just say with all the groaning, gasping and thumping noises you two were making I took a wild toss in the dark," seeing the anger on Buffy's face he amended, "In truth I closed my eyes and threw a handful of dust in your direction. Who knew I had such a good aim? Or you?" he said with a sly wink to Spike.

Buffys glare silence both of their chuckles. 

"I can see this is going to be a long night," she said with a sigh and signaled the bartender, "I think I need a drink."

************************************

After hours of questions Spike sat watching Buffy still rigorously grilling Hughbert worse than the Spanish Inquisitions could ever have done. Spike yawned and sipped his beer remembering what they'd talk about in the last three hours, everything from possible side effects, both physical and metaphysical, Hughberts non-existent love life and Buffys nutritional needs. His ears suddenly perked to attention at the sound of his own name.

"What about Spike not having a soul? What happens then?" said Buffy with an anxious look, "Is our baby going to be born with half a soul?"

The Gnome spewed his beer out and started laughing. "Bahahahaha, yeah, good one," he wiped tears from his eyes, "Now I've heard them all. A Vampire without a soul? You almost had me going for a moment then." 

Seeing the looks on Spike and Buffys face he spoke, "Oh, you were serious!" With a wrinkle of his brow he asked, "Didn't anyone ever tell you that all beings have souls?"

"No, they don't," said an informed Buffy, "Vampires do not have souls except for my ex-boyfriend and he was special. We are definitely sure about that."

"Well, if you'll pardon the expression missy, whoever told you that, had his head up his ass," Hughbert with a shake of his head continued, "Some people will tell you anything."

"What do you mean?" asked Spike with a confused frown.

"The truth is, every being has a soul but for each being there is a unique type of soul. From what you've said it seems as if your ex's soul stayed human instead of changing into that of a Vampire when he was turned," Hughbert said amazed that such intelligent people had been fooled by such an outright lie.

"Are you telling me, that I have a soul and while I graduated in soul school, Angel was forced to repeat?" said Spike with an unholy light in his eyes.

"Yeah, kind of," he replied sipping what remained of his beer. They watched as Spike leapt up out of his seat and started jumping around faking and ducking invisible punches like a boxer while crowing.

"I have a soul. I rule! Yes! And the best part is Angel really is 'special', Buffy. Just not in the way you thought!" Spike laughed blue eyes sparkling. He smiled at her, "Didn't I tell you I was better than him, in every way, pet?"

"Argh!" Buffy mentally groaned knowing Spike would never, let her live this one down. "Sit down, Spike, I still have more questions," she said causing both the Vampire and Gnome to grumble and Spike to return to his seat.

*************************************

"So there is definitely no Rumpelstiltskin clause?" Buffy asked Hughbert, "You're quite sure?"

"Why would we want human babies?" asked disgruntled Hughbert, "Grant you they can be cute but there's the cleaning, feeding, entertaining…"

"You're happy enough though to spread that dust around getting humans pregnant, aren't you?" Buffy said temper starting to rise.

"Next question," said a tired Spike laid out over tree chairs. He couldn't believe how many questions Buffy had asked and with no end in sight.

Buffy nodded, "My last question is very important," ignoring Spikes small cheer, with a wince she said, "Do I have to breast feed?" 

"What, are you worried junior here might take a bite out of you like his old man," Spike said sitting up and placing his hand over Buffys stomach protectively.

"I'm not taking any chances," Buffy told him with a smile then looked at the Gnome.

"You can if you want, it's a personal choice. Honestly lass, the child will be perfectly normal, just with heightened sense from Spike and sharper reflexes from you. You don't have to worry, it was meant to be."

With that enigmatic statement Hughbert clutched his ear with one hand and told them, "Excuse me, I've got to take this." The Gnome nodded and spoke like he was on an invisible phone.

"Um, Spike, I know I asked a lot of questions but I didn't send Hughbert crazy, did I?" Buffy asked him in a worried tone as she watched the Gnome.

"Nah, he's talking on the Universal wave length. That's how all beings get in contact with the man upstairs," Spike frowned as he saw Hughbert sneak at peek at them with a fearful look on his face, "Must be important though."

"Uhuh, uhuh, yes sir, I'll tell them right away. Thank you for calling so soon. Goodbye." Hughbert finished his phantom call then turned to the blonde couple. After a meaningful pause he said in a small voice, "I think we have a problem."


	4. Spike, You're So

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Author: RedDwarfette

****

Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 4 – Spike, you're so…

19th/3/2002

******************************************************************************************************************* 

Buffy and Spike waited in tense silence for Hughbert to continue. He looked at the table, the goblins sitting across from them, anywhere but at them. He started to speak twice but couldn't find the right words and stopped. Buffy groped Spikes hand and nearly squeezed it off his arm trying to control her rising fear. Hughbert remained silent and she couldn't take it a moment longer.

"What is it?" Buffy shrieked unable to contain herself. The patrons of the bar looked over at their table before returning to their drinks.

"I, uh, well," Hughbert spluttered. He paused and took a breath, "You both know, that as a Cabbage Patch Gnome my specialty is fertilisation. What you don't know is that it is more to it than me picking random couples to assist," he winced on the last word remembering Buffy's previous anger at mention of his 'help'.

"Hughbert, I think you better tell us what the bloody hell is going on," Spike said in a hard voice.

"Alright sonny, take it easy, I'll explain," the Gnome said pulling out a handkerchief and mopping his brow, "When I meet potential parents, who for whatever reason can't conceive, my hands start tingling as a sign that I'm supposed to aid them. Which is what happened when I met you that night at the Bar," he said to Spike.

"Well, most of the couples I help have been trying to have children for a long time and by the time the child is conceived there are plenty of applicants waiting for the chance to be born. With you two it's different. I wasn't thinking at the time, to tell you the truth, I may have been a tad affected by the drink you brought me. The fact is, you two conceived that night, without me getting the proper clearance first."

"So what?" said Buffy in a worried voice, "What difference does it make?"

"A big one, unfortunately. There is a possibility that there won't be anyone willing to take the job and if so, the pregnancy is cancelled," Hughbert said looking green.

Buffy gasped for air, "What do you mean? This isn't like you're repossessing a house or a CD player here! I'm already pregnant, what can you do about it?"

"I can't do anything," the Gnome said, "The higher powers however can and it would mean the child will have never existed."

"You're bloody shitting me," said Spike with fire in his eyes, "They can't do this!" He continued with a frantic expression, "What do I have to do to stop it?" 

"There's nothing that can be done, mate," Hughbert sighed, "We can only wait and hope that someone will chose to be your baby before midnight tonight."

"What? Why then?" Buffy said close to tears.

"Didn't I say?" Hughbert looked at them with pity before answering, "After a baby is conceived there is a two month period when the soul, personality, whatever you want to call it enters the body. If not…"

Buffy stood up and ran out of the bar, Spike followed and found her in the woods being sick. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist when she finished.

"Spike, I'm so scared. I didn't think I wanted a baby but now we are having one I know I can't give it up," Buffy turned and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shh, don't worry, pet," he said stroking her hair, "I won't let them do anything to you or the baby. Come on, let's get out of these woods and back to your place. I don't want you to catch a cold with junior here," Spike said leading her away from the Otherworlde Bar. She gave him a weak smile through her tears and followed.

*************************************

After making Buffy a hot cocoa and settling her on the couch at her house, Spike decided to broach the subject that was so dear to his heart.

"Ah, Buffy?" he said with an innocent look.

"Yes, Spike?" she answered in a tried voice with her eyes closed. If they had of been open she would have realised what he was going to say next.

"I think we have something to discuss, don't you?" he asked her. Suddenly Buffy knew what was coming. She was surprised he been able to contain himself and his ego for this long, even with the threat of losing their child hanging over their heads. She knew what he wanted to hear and gave it to him.

"Spike, you are the sexiest Vampire, man, being I've ever met. I was a fool not to dump Angel as soon as I saw you," Buffy said eyes still closed, "You are so smart. I am overwhelmed. I drool at the sight of you. Even Willow and Tara think you're cute but I'd beat them up for looking twice at my hunk'o'love. Only bleached blonde hair on you, gives me tingles. Your poetry is wonderful. I thank you every moment for you gracing me with the product of your loins." 

She opened her eyes watching his smug expression. "Anything else, sweetie?" 

"Oh," she continued in a monotone voice, "Your lair is to die for. You have excellent taste. You look so hot in your duster. I may have to ban Dawn from seeing you so her crush that she had on you doesn't come back. Black nail polish sets off your hands divinely. Xander is so jealous of your sexual power. I want to be with you every moment. My life is worthless without you. Dru was crazy for leaving you. I won't make that mistake."

She watched him nod his head to every comment, "And?"

"I never thought anything good came out of Britain till I met you," she said obediently, "I love your accent. No one makes cocoa like you do. I should have married you when you proposed during Willows spell. I never wanted to have sex in a bathtub until you were chained in one. Riley was a huge mistake on my part, please forgive me. You are so charming and bad. You can shag me whenever you want. Please do!"

Buffy waited knowing that her remarks hadn't even come close to pacifying him. "Well, I know you mean all those things, luv, since they're true," he said leaning forward for a kiss.

Buffy gave a heartfelt sighed, glad he wouldn't tease her anymore and moved closer but before their lips could meet he pulled back, "You forgot the soul part, pet."

"Are you ever going to let me forget that?" she asked knowing there was no way in hell he would now that he had the advantage.

"Nope. Not as long as we live," he said with a mischievous grin, "Although I could be persuaded to drop it sometimes, if you catch my drift."

"I can't believe that's all you can think about at a time like this," Buffy said with a groan.

"Well," he said leaning closer, "Let's put it this way, what choice do I have? Here I have a hottie Slayer knocked up by me, in a vulnerable state on her couch, with her little sister out and disaster not scheduled to arrive for," he consulted the clock on the wall, "Another hour and a half. Come on, you know you want to," he said waggling his brows at her.

She sighed knowing now was not the time. What the hell? She thought, shrugged her shoulders and grabbed him.


	5. The Knock

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Author: RedDwarfette

****

Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

Authors Note: Soooo sorry to have kept you guys waiting, unfortunately those bad people at Uni are slave drivers! Anyway, hope you enjoy.

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 5 – The Knock

12th/4/2002

******************************************************************************************************************* 

A passing stranger might have been mistaken in thinking a zoo had set up residence on the quiet suburban street, after hearing hoots and squeals echoing into the night from the open window. An occupant however, intrigued by the odd sounds, walked quickly up the drive and knocked gently on the door.

"Spike," Buffy gasped lifting her head and brushing her blonde hair back, "Did you hear that?"

"What?" he said confused before pulling her back down, "Didn't hear nothing."

Unnoticed, the door slowly swung open.

***************************

Seconds later

***************************

"Oh mi God!" screamed a female voice in amazement.

"Baby, you normally don't say that till we're finished," said Spike with a smirk.

"I didn't say that," Buffy frowned down at him.

They turned heads in unison to stare at the doorway where the sound had originated. It was hard to tell who was more shocked but the person in the doorway won by sheer incredulity at the scene before her. Frozen in place they stared at each other knowing the jig was up. 

The very naked truth was bare to the girl. A fifteen year old girl. An innocent fifteen year old girl. An innocent fifteen year old girl would was probably going to need therapy after this. 

They fell off the couch, aided by their quick reflexes scrambled for their clothing and were dressed in five seconds. Unfortunately their efforts were in vain. Buffys casual wear didn't normally include mens shirts three sizes bigger than her and a pink bra flung across the lounge room lamp. Spike however managed little better, quickly tugging on his jeans before he stepped on his belt buckle.

"God damn, bleedin' friggin' soddin' hell!" he yelled and hopped before grimacing. Both girls watched him dance around like primeval man discovering fire until he managed to control the pain.

He stood still and stared at Buffys pale expression, before whispering, "Ouch."

Buffy tried to stay calm while on the inside she was shaking like a maraca. Quick, brain think, excuse, excuse, she thought, oh, who the hell am I kidding? What am I going to say 'Spike and I decided we'd see what the benefits of fighting evil naked would work against fighting in clothes?' Buffy gave her silent sister a guilt look before steeling herself and trying to explain. 

"Dawn, it's like this, Spike and I… Well, we have been… Ok, maybe I should… Um, we're going… Ok, there's a funny story about this…" Buffy trailed off unable to think of what to tell her sister.

"We're officially together now," Spike blurted out. Buffy frowned then slugged him in the arm. He rubbed the spot before continuing, "Oh and we're going to have a baby."

"You knocked my sister up?" Dawn asked her best friend in a soft voice.

"Well, it wasn't a one way effort if you know what I mean, Bit. Ah yes," Spike said noticing an evil gleam returning to Buffy's eye, "It's all my fault for thinking a Vampire hasn't got any swimmin' little boys and girls left to do the fallopian tube shuffle. It was my Cabbage Patch gnome friend who sprinkled dust over us increasing the chances of pregnancy. Once again, it's was all me. I've always like breaking the rules actually, should tell you about that one time I snacked on a girl guide camp…" Spike said with a smile remembering.

Buffy ignored his ramblings and watched her quiet little sister worried she'd traumatised the girl for life with hanky panky Spikey games. "Dawnie, perhaps we should sit down and talk about this."

Dawns face was perfectly serene marred only when her eyes welled and a tear dripped slowly down her cheek. She lifted a hand and wiped away the tear with a sob staring at it as if unable to believe she'd started crying. Spike started forward worried for his other special girl until Dawn held up a hand to halt him. She sobbed again before looking them in the eye. Perhaps it was all too much for a fragile, sweet, selfless girl like Dawn.

Dawn suddenly screamed again her hands clutching her face, she started gasping, "Pleasure overload, complete pleasure overload." She twirled in circles in the lounge room dark hair flying and feeling delightfully giddy, "This is the best day of my life!" 

Dawn stopped and crowed at them, "You know, I'm never going to be grounded again, ever! I could plot to take over the world, turn up at school dressed only in a thong bikini, eat Ice cream everyday for the rest of my life, and marry Giles! And you guy's can't say anything. No more lectures. No more 'advice'. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Yes! Did I die and go to heaven?" 

"Dawnie, we do not joke about dying in this house," Buffy said with a stern look.

Buffy and Spike watch stunned as Dawn began a laughing fit that left her on the floor grasping her stomach. After she calmed down she looked up at them with a grin, "What?"

"Dawn, that is not how its going to be," Buffy stood over her with her hands on her hips. "I am the adult, so there. Anyway, remember how your last 'brilliant' unsupervised idea ended up? Riding in cars with Vampires? Staking your date?"

"Hey, you're the one knocked up. By a big bad Vampire no less," Dawn said pointing at Spike, who grinned at his evil title.

"Ok, I think I'll just shut up now," Buffy said feeling ill. Pregnancy, followed by some hot lovin', before, during and afterwards, and fighting with her sister had left her feeling a little dazed.

She tottered over to the couch and sat down shocked while Dawn continued, "All I had was an undead tongue down my throat. It's obvious though," she said sitting up with a pout "You've had an undead…"

"That's it," Spike said wading in before the beginning of world war three broke out, "Whoa, time out people." Spike felt two pairs of Summer eyes glaring at him.

"Spike," Buffy ground out staring at him, "For god sake, put a shirt on."

Dawn smiled at him with wide innocent eyes, "That's Ok, I'm enjoying the view actually."

"Argh," Spike yelped searching frantically to cover himself from the eyes of the little angel who had turned into a Lolita before him. Finding his duster he settled for putting it on and pulling it closed against prying teenage eyes.

"Now listen here, Dawn, your sister is in a delicate condition she doesn't need you blasting her," Spike said with a growl, "And you Buffy, remember that Dawn's had a large shock tonight, personal attacks aren't helping." He stared at the two silent girls before running a hand through his blonde hair, continuing, "This is what we are going to do, first we get cable, two I'm moving in and three, we're going to live in bloody heavenly bliss as a real family."

Dawn stood up and walked over to the couch putting an arm around her sister as she sat down. "A Cabbage Patch gnome? You guy's are joking right?" she asked her sister.

"No, it's true, as crazy as that sounds," Buffy smiled at Dawn. Wait, there's something I'm forgetting, she thought. Pregnant, check. The Otherwolde Bar, check. Hughbert, check. Repossession? "Um, Spike," Buffy said in a quiet voice. 

"No, I don't want to hear it," Spike paced as he spoke, "Dawn will go to school, you will slay and I'll teach the baby all about the necessities." He started counted them off on his fingers, "Dead Kennedy's, fashion sense, 'Passion's, mini marsh mellows, owning a classic car like the De Soto…"

"Spike, get real, it's a hunk of junk," Dawn said with a laugh. Spike gave her his best 'I'm-a-big-bad-and-I-say-its-a-classic' look.

"Spike," Buffy whispered unable to catch his attention, she checked the clock on the wall again before whimpering. 

"Dawson's Creek, mmm, maybe not, wouldn't want the kid to be immoral, well, defense goes without saying, oh, better keep the kid away from my kitten poker buddies…" Spike planned and plotted his offspring's future oblivious to Buffy's pained expression.

"Spike," Buffy said with a sob, "Look at the clock."

Jolted out of his musings, his head whipped up to look at his girl and comprehend what she had said. Oh shite, he thought. Spike spun around to stare at the clock on the wall, for the first time in an hour remembering that their ordeal wasn't over yet, at least not for another twenty minutes.


	6. Vampires & Gnomes, big difference

****

Author: RedDwarfette

****

Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

Authors Note: No, it doesn't end here. Keep the faith people, I will write faster!

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 6 – Vampires & Gnomes, big difference.

26th/4/2002

******************************************************************************************************************* 

"So let me get this straight," Dawn said staring at her pale sister and her even paler boyfriend, "You guys have been going at it like horny monkeys…"

"Dawn," Buffy glared at her little sister.

"Ok, ok," Dawn amended, "After years of repressed sexual tension you finally caved and started makin' with the love…" 

"Dawn, I said…" Buffy began before Spike cut her off.

"Look, none of this sibling squabblin crap, get on with it already," he fidgeted with the edge of his duster while watching the clock.

"So, anyway you're together," Dawn continued, "Spike buys a guy a drink, suddenly Buffy's knocked up by a Gnome and he's going to repossess the baby in the next ten minutes?" 

"Hey, I was knocked up by a Vampire, not a Gnome," Buffy yelled, "There's a big difference."

"Yeah, one is a blood sucking Nosferatu, while the other is best buddy old pals with Snow white," Dawn laughed while Buffy fumed.

"You know, if we sold this story to Jerry Springer we could make a bundle," Dawn told her sister.

"Really?" Spike said jolted out of his stupor, "You think he'd buy it?"

"Sure," Dawn rubbed her hands together and imagining the dough they could be making, "It's got all the classics, unwed teenage mother, neglected shoplifting sister, no good bad boy father, a questionable conception and viola, we hit the jackpot! I mean," Dawn said frowning, "All the Slayer, Vampire and Hellmouthy stuffs just a bonus, right?"

"Yeah, and we could meet Steve," Spike said with a thoughtful expression.

"Uhuh," Buffy nodded in agreement before shaking her head, "Hey, we are so not doing that!" She watched her sister and boyfriend flop back on the couch in defeat.

A few moments before Buffy had been a nervous wreck now there was a returning look of determination in her eyes. "They are not taking my baby. If they want to try I'll just kick their skanky higher powers ass! And god's too, if I have too," she said looking up and shaking her fist at the ceiling.

"Uh, Buffy, you do realise that isn't the big cheese, don't you?" Spike asked her.

"Well thanks for pointing that out, sweetie," each word dripping with sarcasm Buffy turned to face Spike, "Until you told me that, I thought the almighty creator was an architectural structure holding up my house. Nice to know it's just an ordinary ceiling and not a heavenly deity there."

Spike kept his mouth shut for once knowing now wasn't the time to piss off the slayer. He was annoying but he wasn't stupid. He watched Buffy stride around the room ranting while the clock clicked down to midnight. It was weird, he thought, by all rights I should have been dead at least a hundred years ago but look at me, about to have a child with my nemesis. Yes, life, scratch that, unlife sure is sweet.

Buffy stopped and gasped as smoke poured out of a corner of the room. It seemed as if disaster was prompt as the clock struck midnight. A loud ominous voice boomed from the smoke. "Buffy Summers, you have been chosen and given a great gift. Are you worthy of it?" the body less voice asked.

"Yes I am," Buffy said standing strong while Spike and Dawn took positions by her side.

"Well, good then, oh and do try to be nicer to Hughbert will you?" said the voice sounding oddly familiar. "He's a nice bloke and he was only trying to help you…" the voice continued extolling Hughberts virtues while Buffy frowned and moved closer.

"All he wants to do it help people and have a pint once in a while, is that too much for a Gnome to ask for? All the…" the voice was cut off when Buffy reached into the still smoking corner and pulled out the Gnome in question.

"Ah, hello," Hughbert gave Dawn a timid smile and a wave before Buffy dropped him. 

"Hughbert, what the hell are you doing here?" Spike asked him with a growl.

"Well, I've come to tell you the good news," Hughbert stood up and brush at his clothes. He looked up at his favourite couple, "The position has been filled," he told them with a cheeky grin.

"Yes," Spike yelled before grabbing Buffy and spinning her around to Dawns delight. "We can start thinking of names now. I've always been partial to Johnny," Spike told Buffy.

"Oh no you don't," Buffy said laughing at him, "You are not naming our child after Johnny Rotten! And it might be a girl anyway!"

"Maybe you could call it Randy," Dawn said giving them each a hug. "It can be a boys or a girls name and at least the last name wont be Giles this time," she said with a grin.

Spike held Buffy in his arms a moment before speaking, "Either way, I'm the happiest non human souled Vampire that ever lived." 

Buffy sighed knowing she was never going to live that one down. She looked up at Spikes face knowing a lifetime of teasing would be worth it.

"You, me, bit and a kid," he continued with a smile then proceeded to kiss a giddy but relieved Buffy.

"Kids," Hughbert told the amorous pair.

"Huh?" Buffy said distracted by Spikes lips.

"I said, kids," Hughbert repeated tapping them on the legs without success.

Dawn eyes widened in realisation. "You've got to be kidding," Dawn frowned. At Hughberts uneasy look, she asked in awe, "Are you saying there may be more than…?" 

"Well, I was a bit tiddly as we have established on the night in question," he grimaced, "I may have used just a tad bit more than the sprinkle I was supposed to."

"How much more?" Buffy said finally breaking away from Spike and looking at Hughbert.

"A handful," Hughbert blurted out. 

"And that means?" Spike questioned the Gnome with a raised eyebrow.

Hughbert knew he couldn't put it off a moment longer. "Maybe one, possibly two, likely three but probably four," he gave them a petrified look and prepared himself to run.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other in shock. They were speechless, they were without speech. Thankfully, Dawn didn't have that problem.

"Do you guys know what this means?" she asked her sister and best friend. They were remained silent while an evil grin spread over Dawns face. "Xander," she said nodding.

Buffy and Spike looked from Dawn to each other before whispering the word together, "Xander."

"He's going to totally flip! They're at the shop! We have to tell them all now!" Dawn screamed at them before rushing out of the room to get the device that would preserve Xander and the rest of the Scooby gangs priceless expressions for years to come. 

Spike winked at Buffy while she gave him a coy look. Suddenly they shoved each other out of the way and made a run for the door wanting to be the one to break the news. Bursting free of the door Buffy and Spike ran onto the darkened street and off in the direction of the official Scooby headquarters.

"Wait, wait for meeeee…." Dawn screamed out to them bolting out the door and running down the street with a camera clutched in one hand.

Hughbert stood in the lounge room where the odd but happy trio had left him. He went to the corner and picked up his hat with a smile. Yes, he thought, another satisfied customer, closing the front door behind him and whistling as he walked out into the night.

******************
    TBC


	7. A Bakers Dozen

****

Author: RedDwarfette

****

Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

****

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

****

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

****

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J 

****

Authors Note: Mmmm, not sure if this is the end, feedback would be great J 

****

The Cabbage Patch Kid - **RedDwarfette**

Chapter 7 – A Bakers Dozen

1/8/2002

******************************************************************************************************************* 

The door of the shop slammed open to admit a flustered slayer, a vampire and one former key now a teenage girl. Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara sat at the table but looked towards them when the bell jingled.

"Ah, you're here," said Xander munching on a doughnut, "We were just going to call and round you up. Got a 'visitor' out back. What took you so long?"

"Oh, I had to find Buffy and Spike first, Xander," Dawn gasped before turning to her sister, "They called me at Sarah's and told me to find you two. With everything that happened earlier I forgot to tell you."

"Huh?" Buffy said out of breath from the run and confused. "Wait, first I have something to tell you guys. But I don't know how you'll take it," she paused and wait for their undivided attention.

"Dawn, get the camera ready," Buffy whispered to her devious sister.

"Way ahead of you," Dawn said. She'd already worked out the best position and angle for maximum effect and was just waiting for the words that would signal the beginning of her photo shoot.

Buffy turned to face Spike who was standing by her side wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a wink. "Let's freak them out, just like last time," she whispered. 

Catching on quick Spike gave her an earnest look before speaking, "Pet, they'll have to hear it sometime."

"Hear what?" Xander said, a little nervous at the creepy lovey dovey vibe the vampire and slayer were giving off.

Still embracing they turned their heads to face everyone and Buffy said excitedly, "Spike and I are getting married."

Silence reigned for a whole minute before Xander started choking on his doughnut and Tara started slapping his back. 

"Hey, I remember this," cried Anya, "It's a spell Willow screwed up, but where are the demons that are after you, Xander?" she asked her fiancée who had managed to contain his coughing fit but was still red in the face.

"What?" Willow stood up and yelled at the former vengeance demon, "I do not screw up spells. Ok," she said as the group all glared at her, "Maybe once or twice, only minor ones though, I think I'll be quite now and sit in the corner here. Ah, good chair, nice chair, you won't judge me will you?" she babbled sinking back into her chair.

Dawn stood behind Buffy and Spike watching them nuzzle and smooch each other like they were the only two in the room. With the camera still gripped in her hand she raised it up and took a photo of them. Well, Dawn mused, I have four rolls of film and I want as much of this as I can get. The picture she'd just taken of a choking Xander was going to be a classic.

"Dawnie, what are you doing?" Tara asked in a soft voice.

"Oh, Buffy and Spike wanted me to preserve every happy moment for their engagement album," Dawn said in a reasonable tone. "But think that ones going on the mantelpiece."

"We have to stop them!" Xander said shielding his eyes from the engrossed pair. Yikes, he thought, another nightmare moment brought to you from Buffy and Spike macking incorporated.

"He's right," Anya seconded, "Quick, before Spike can give Buffy that god awful ring again. I know a great jewelry store down the road who have some very tasteful designs, nothing like that atrocity he gave her last time."

Buffy pulled away from Spike before glaring at Anya, "I liked that ring. It was sentimental, it was personal, it was…"

"Repulsive," Buffy nodded, at Willows remark. 

Seeing Spike's frown she said, "Sorry honey, but you know it's true."

Two figures entered the shop from the back and moved towards the group. 

"Hello Buffy," said a voice from the shadows. Dawn and Spike stared at the person in front of them in silence and not a small amount of hostility.

"Angel!" Buffy shrieked, "What are you doing here?"

"Cordelia had a vision. It said something important was going to happen here tonight," Angel said with a serious expression. "It was going to involve you and," he gave Spike a sidelong glance, "Spike and there was something about a Cabbage patch, wasn't there, Cordelia?" he asked the stylish woman.

Cordelia nodded in a perplexed manner.

Dawn looked at Spike trying to hold back the biggest smirk of his life before bursting into hysterical giggles. Everyone turned to watch her with questioning looks until Buffy elbowed her sister in the side. "Ahem, sorry guys," Dawn said trying to keep a straight face.

"What is going on here?" Angel said giving Buffy and Spike an intense look and receiving silence.

"Oh, Spike and Buffy are engaged again," Anya blurted out, "Though it's inconsiderate announcing it now, don't you think they should have waited till Xander and I were married first?" she looked around for an ally.

"What?" Angel bellowed while Cordelia studied the blonde couple with a bored look. "What do you mean they're getting married?" he said striding forward till he was directly in front of them.

"Who cares?" Cordelia said with just a hint of sarcasm, "Marry, date or stake them, just take them out, that's Buffy's credo."

"Am I the only sane person here?" Xander said looking at them all. "We have to do something to get rid of this spell. Buffy," he turned and faced her with a pleading expression, "Tell me this isn't really happening."

Buffy had remained silent watching the action unfold but now was the time to let everyone off the hook, "It isn't really happening. Spike and I are not getting married." She heard the relieved sighs and saw them all relax before continuing, "We're actually…"

"Hey," Xander interrupted paying attention to their attire for once and examining them, "Tell bleach boy to put a shirt on. I could go blind here." Anya patted him on the back as he laughed at his own joke.

"Um, Buffy?" Willow said looking at her best friend, "Why are you wearing a mans shirt? If it is a spell relapse I don't see why that would have happened."

Meanwhile Anya's shrewd eyes noticed the shirt Buffy was wearing and the fact that Spike was shirtless under his duster. Hmm, she thought as her eyes began to move faster back and forward between them like she was watching a ping pong match. Buffy is wearing Spike's shirt. Spike is not wearing his shirt. "These two are doing it!" Anya screamed out making the connection and pointing at them.

"Don't be a fool, Buffy would never..." Willow's voice trailed off at Buffy's expression and Spike's sheepish grin.

The Scoobies former and present were shocked into silence, only the sound of the clicking camera as Dawn took another photo broke the impasse. Tara smiled at Buffy with encouragement relieved she didn't have to keep it a secret any longer.

"Look I…" Buffy began before Angel frowned and spoke.

"What is it when it feels like your head is going to explode, your heart seizes up and your vision goes red?" Angel paused before asked them, "Is this a heart attack?"

Buffy and Cordelia rushed forward and each grasping one of Angel's arms led him to a nearby chair.

"Oh, get over yourself," Spike mumbled, "Melodramatic poofter." 

"Buffy, I think you'd better explain the situation," Dawn said while angling the camera for another shot of Angel's sickly looking face.

Buffy straightened up with a sigh and moved back towards the stairs, in case she needed a quick getaway. "Um, the truth is… I have a bun in the oven and it's Spike's. Well, multiple buns really, I could almost make a baker's dozen, only a bakers dozen isn't twelve it's thirteen, so why call it a dozen? It makes no sense." She fell silent and waited for their reactions.

"Huh?" Willow said, "What are you talking about?"

"No, I get it," Xander looked at them and nodded, "Buffy's making pastry products for Spike, and pondering the 'Baker's Dozen' enigma."

"Buffy, I can't believe you've been with Spike. I mean, he's evil and soulless and… he has no leather pants!" Angel sat aghast, shaking his head in shock.

"What does that have to do with it?" Tara asked with a perplexed frown.

"I just found out the love of my life has been with an evil vampire fiend who has repeatedly tried to kill us all, and you want me to make sense?" Angel replied in a loud voice.

"Aren't you a Vampire too?" said Tara starting to get annoyed at Angel's tone.

"Yes, but that's different." Angel yelled at Tara.

"Why?" Tara asked with a pointed look.

"Because… because I have a soul!" Angel screamed as a throbbing vein appeared on his forehead. 

"Is that all?" Tara said in a bored voice.

"Well, about the soul…" Buffy began, before Spike put a hand on her shoulder.

"Nah, pet, I want to tell him that," he said with an evil grin.

"Angel, calm down and remember Connor," Cordelia interrupted patting Angel's shoulder, before turning her attention to Willow and Xander's conversation.

"Who's Connor?" Tara turned to question Angel. He opened his mouth to reply before being interrupted.

"I know!" Anya yelled waving her arm, "It's the guy out of Highlander! Xander made me watch it over and over. You know, 'there can be only one'?" 

"Hey, he stole my motto!" Buffy said with a frown.

"But with two slayers, it doesn't really apply anymore," Tara said to Buffy, before she nodded in agreement.

"I think Buffy meant she's going on a diet, she certainly needs one. You know, once on the lips forever on the hips? It should be criminal not be on a calorie controlled diet." Cordelia continued in the background.

"But why bun's? I mean, Spike doesn't need to diet and I can't see bread and blood making a good combo," Willow shuddered.

"Unless she was making blood buns for him, and that would be just plain gross," Xander nodded with a grimace.

"Oh for love of… I got her up the duff!" Spike yelled over the Scoobies. "Up the spout!" he said when they turned and stared at him. 

"What's wrong with you? Seriously, can't you speak English?" Cordelia asked him, before Spike threw his hands up in defeat.

"Argh! She is pregnant, by me, and we are having more than one child thanks to an overkill of Cabbage Patch Gnome dust! In short, the Slayer is going to have a litter of children by a Vampire. Is that English enough for you?" Spike ground out.

"Guy's, look up," Dawn said from the second level of the shop where she had moved while they were talking. When they all raised their shocked faces, she smirked, "Now, can we all say, 'Buffy got knocked up by the big bad?' on the count of three. One… two… three."

Click.


End file.
